If you're in a season of preparing for dating, in a relationship, or engaged to be married you will want to be prepared and set strong foundations for a relationship that will last years to come.
As a Christian, we often struggle to find dating or marriage advice that isn't just 'leave them', 'do what makes you happy' or 'you don't need no man'. Our society has come to quickly give up on things (including relationships) that become too hard or no longer bring us joy, instead of working on the foundations of what is actually wrong.
As an avid romantic and strong woman of faith, I have read many Christian dating and marriage advice books. Here I have listed the ones that have really helped to reshape my view of marriage and relationships and have made me a better and healthier person in both my romantic and non-romantic relationships.
1. Boundaries in Dating
By Dr John Townsend and Dr Henry Cloud
I have read this book three or four times now, and every time I get refreshed and reminded of the beautiful agenda of marriage God has for us. The book, written by two psychological doctors, goes through the importance of setting boundaries in our dating relationships, and how to not let your relationship become your identity. For those who always find themselves falling head over heels for every person who comes along - this book is for you! It also helps you to reset the expectations you have for the person you are dating. They are not and cannot be your 'everything' in life - only God can do that!
2. Kingdom Marriage
By Tony Evans
Tony Evans is the Pastor of a large church and father to well known actress Priscilla Shirer. Tony writes a beautiful biblically founded book on the covenant of marriage how God intended it. It breaks down not only the characteristics of a kingdom minded spouse, but also how to create a kingdom marriage with your partner. The scripture and depth of understanding in this book really helped to reframe my point of view, and led me to actually break up with someone when I realised they did not want to pursue the beauty of the Kingdom marriage described in this book.
3. His Needs, Her Needs
By Willard Harley
If you've ever heard of the 5 love languages you are familiar with how different people need different things to feel loved. (If you haven't heard of them- google them right now! It will change your life!). This book follows a similar theme, but instead talks about the different needs women vs men have in relationships. From needing affirmation to needing family committment and open conversation, there are 10 different characteristics and you and your spouse will be individually different . This book has a strong emphasis on how cheating can occur in relationships when our emotional needs are not being met, and describes what each of these needs might look like.
4. Ready to Wed
By Dr Greg and Erin Smalley
This book is essentially pre-marital counselling for couples. It goes through 12 different areas of our lives that will change drastically once married. These include areas such as finances, sexuality, conflict resolution styles and the dreaded 'in laws'.
This is a perfect book to go through with your fiance as you prepare for marriage together and open up discussion about how you will navigate each of these 12 areas.
5. The Meaning of Marriage
By Tim Keller
Tim Keller, a well known Presbyterian pastor writes a beautiful book that resets your expections of marriage and reminds us of what God originally intended. Tim highlights how modern day society expects us to find the 'perfect person' who will not require us to change. He describes how we will never find someone who is perfect, and that the nature of being human is that we will change over time. Marriage in the biblical sense is about putting the other above yourself, and practicing self-denial. When both partners do this, you have a beautiful and biblical marriage. For someone who is afraid of marrying the wrong person, this book will help you to reframe that fear and refocus on what is most important - their relationship with God.
Any one of these books will pack a punch and help you to delve into reframing your understanding of marriage and relationships. These books are not ranked in any particular order. I pray that God has pointed out to you while reading this list whether a specific book/s is one he wants you to read in this season.
Remember: Even if you aren't in a relationship, you can and should still read these books! The more we learn about ourselves and correct what is broken in our lives, the healthier and holier we become. We can never invest too much in self-improvement, and our relationships is one of the largest areas in our lives.
If you need someone to talk to about your relationships, Christian life-coaching can help. Whether you're struggling with conflict in your marriage, fearful of being hurt in dating or uncertain how to find the type of person you need, Christian life-coaching will help unpack your challenges and find ways to overcome them. God wants you to live a full and healthy life, and be transformed through His spirit to live free from fear and doubt.