"How do I disciple difficult people?" "How can I share about God with non-Christians?" "I'm getting burnt out from discipleship!" Let's talk about discipling others....
If you've had any of these questions come into your mind, then you are not alone! Around three years ago I had these exact same questions, and God led me down the path of unpacking scripture around discipleship and developing the Discipling Others Workbook.
Some of the key things I've learnt from scripture is how to Jesus and His disciples balanced love, truth and boundaries with everyone they discipled. Let's unpack some specific questions below
1. How do I disciple a difficult person? (needy, burdonsome, not reciprocal, difficult to build relationship with)
- When discipling someone who is needy and lacks boundaries, we can get burnt out and feel resentful towards discipling them
- The key is remembering that we are not discpling them for ourselves. We are discipling them for them
- Drop the expectations that they will provide a reciprocal friendship with you - your role is to share God's word and love with them.
- Have clear boundaries around your time. Meet up outside of your house to allow it to be easier to leave when you need.
- If you find yourself always paying for their coffee or meals, meet up for a walk instead.
- Pray before going into it that God fills you with His strength. Pour out of His strength and His love for this person, not out of your own power.
Think about Jesus and the way He related to those He healed and had dinners with. He was genuine and present when with them, but didn't expect them to build a reciprocal friendship with Him back, listening to His own stories about what He did that day and the challenges He was facing. He was there to serve and minister.
2. Avoiding burnout from Discipleship
- One of the main reasons we burnout from discipling others is that we don't have enough time to spend with God ourselves. Keep that as your number one priority. If things are consistently getting in the way of you being able to spend time with God, pray and read His word, you need to look at your committments and re-evaluate your priorities.
- Remember: YOU ARE DISCIPLING THEM FOR THEM, NOT YOURSELF. Analyse your motives - are you trying to prove yourself to someone (or yourself)? Are you trying to save them? Having expectations on the discipleship is a quick way to drain you. Let God grow them, you are just watering and planting seeds
- Take time away to rest and recharge. It's okay to take a break from serving or discipling - Jesus did! It's these longer periods of rest that we can regain perspective on why we are doing this in the first place.
- BOUNDARIES! We often have such slack boundaries with people because we feel guilty, want to save them or because we don't want to let them down. Boundaries are a healthy way that people learn and grow. God has boundaries with us, and this helps us to be more loving and mature. Be confident to say no to things that are outside your capacity, make you feel uncomfortable or that you know won't serve the person. Even if they get upset with you, you can know that you are helping them be in alignment with God's good plans and values.
3. How to share the "truth in love"
- Don't just jump straight to solving people's problems and giving them solutions! We need to empathise and connect with them first. Show them you understand what they are going through and relate to them.
- Then share about God's Truth - focus on God's love, peace and fullness of life. It isn't our job to convict ! That's the Holy Spirit! It's our job to share about the gospel - That God's love was so great He sent Jesus to connect and have relationship with us! He wants us to walk with Him and He wants to guide us!
- People don't want to be obedient to someone they don't love and respect.... they need to love and respect and honour God first before they will obey Him and change their ways...it's the power of God's love that changes us.
4. How to share about God with non-Christians
- Our biggest barrier is normally that we are afraid of being rejected or being seen as weird. Remember - they aren't rejecting you they are rejecting God... and God can handle it!
- If you have the opportunity to share the Gospel when talking 1:1 to someone about their difficulties or problems, you should take it! When they are in a place of trust and vulnerability with you, the words and encouragement you have for them will plant seeds in their heart. If it's the right time, then the seeds will take root and flourish. Otherwise, they might sit in waiting for a few years before God brings them to fruition. Either way, you have been obedient to God by sharing His Truth to that individual.
- When talking general day to day, it can be easy to slip into new-agey or cultural statements such as 'the universe was listening' or 'things happen for a reason'. Think of a catch phrase statement that you feel comfortable using when topics come up such as, "I prayed for that", "I knew it was the right thing to do", "God listened to my prayer", "God's plans are great".
- Practice saying these statements to yourself or with a close friend (perhaps even another Christian who wants to also get better at this!). Practice until it feels natural. The more confident you are in your delivery, the better it will be received by the listener.
I talk in depth about these questions and more in my Discipling Others workbook. Available in paperback or ebook, this 6 week guide will walk you through step-by-step how to improve in your confidence and skills in displing others. Why not do it with a friend and encourage each other on your journey towards discipling others?
