We often reach points in our life that we wonder 'what if that had worked out, what if that had happened, what if I didn't do this, had taken that job, bought that house, dated that person', and on and on....
I'm going to be a bit blunt - these are really unhelpful thoughts. What it does is put us into a spiral of desperation, thinking about all the things that we can't change and don't have power to change. It also takes our focus off what we can change, which is the now.
Please don't feel ashamed if you are stuck in this pattern of thinking - I too have been there myself! And from first hand experience being stuck in that way of thinking just makes us depressed. We need to flip the story to 'what can I do moving forward' and learn about ourselves from these experiences about what our values are and what we want moving forward.
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This can also apply to our faith. We could have been praying for things, wonder if we have missed our opportunity, wonder how life could have been different if God answered our prayers, think about how things should have been....
Thinking this way means that we are saying to God 'I would have done things better, I would have done things differently'. It means that we (in pride) are saying we think we know better than God.
Isaiah 43:18 -19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
It is hard for us to surrender that we don't have the perspective of God. We don't know why things didn't work out or happen the way we wanted them to, but we have to accept that we just can't see all that God can see.
I always use the analogy of the child that wants to run out on the road thinking it's fun, and the parent stops them. The parent can see the car coming, or predicts that a car could come. God is our heavenly father and He is there to protect us.
Philippians 3:12; "but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Our goal and focus should always be on Jesus. We will never understand why things turn out the way they do, and God has never promised us this understanding. Just read Job or Ecclesiastes or the Psalms to see how much strong faithfilled people have struggled with God's intent behind his actions. You are not alone in your struggles with doubt. God wants to walk with us through that, and wants us to lean on him when we are struggling.
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This also applies to our future. Living in the 'what if', thinking "Oh I hope this turns out, or that I get to marry this person or get this particular job". It's okay to think those things but when you become too focussed on the future, you miss living in the now and miss what God is doing in your life today.
James 4:13-17 "Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord is willing, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your proud intentions. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do, yet fails to do it, is guilty of sin."
So not only should we not say 'I am going to do this and this', but it is possible to fall into a trap of being proud about what we are doing for the Lord. Our intentions, may not be what God wants from us.
The verse also says those that know what they should be doing should do it. We can often create fantasies over how we live our life, but that may not be the life God wants for us. We should be praying and checking God's will before deciding where we should live, what job we should take and decisions that affect our life. While visions and dreams for our life are not wrong, we need to make sure we aren't getting sucked into the secular view of what success is, and are aligning our thoughts with what God wants for us and how he wants to use our life to minister to others.
Paul talks about how people all make up the body of Christ.
As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you.” Nor can the head say to the feet, “I do not need you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts we consider less honorable, we treat with greater honor. And our unpresentable parts are treated with special modesty, whereas our presentable parts have no such need. But God has composed the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its members should have mutual concern for one another. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:20-26
He endorses us to make sure we are not looking down on the more humble, lowly parts of the body. Whilst we might not be handed the 'beautiful' card in life, God has a plan on how to use our situations to minister to people that the other parts of the body cannot minister to.
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If you are struggling with doubting God and trusting that His will is best for you, I would encourage you to check out our Fear and Doubt resource pack. This pack includes 4 videos, a handout, and two printable scripture posters all on the topic of doubting God, struggling to trust him, and having fear or anxiety over our future. Purchasing it gives you lifetime access to the content and you can work through this content either individually, with a mentor or friend, or in a small group setting.
May God bless you in this journey with Him.
Em x